just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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