community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
