i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
