i don't plan on having that self control this summer
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
