I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just want nice things and good sex
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
