so explain again why im purple
no
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
