He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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