I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
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Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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