oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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