When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Ladies don't puke and tell
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
