dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
