Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize