dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
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just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
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isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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