Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
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I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
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I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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