God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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