I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
