Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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