dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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