I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
