I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
