My girlfriend figured out who you are.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
