ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
