I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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