Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
