i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
did i walk over a car last night?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
