ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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