i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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