Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
