she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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