just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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