this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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