Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
