Cold hands, warm shart.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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