everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
