Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
