hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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