I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I need a beard to bite.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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