Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I have post one night stand depression
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
