It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He's on the porch naked. Help.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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