I'm so fucking centered right now
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
