SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
