Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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