i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
