Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
