Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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