Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
