all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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