It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
