$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
