He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
