Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
