there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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