those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
