Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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