I wish I could punch you in the face.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
