Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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