after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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