god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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