i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
