It's Friday. Sex?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
