If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
