hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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