you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
