I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
