3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
