I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
