It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
