So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
