The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
