haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
