I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
