chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
zippers are such a cool invention
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Everyone says I win the strip club
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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