she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Hippo gnu deer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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