...so i touched it.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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