I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Randomize
