My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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