So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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