White coat. Heels.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
