Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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