How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
