So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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